I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
