You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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