the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
