A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I fill condoms, not promises.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
