I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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