So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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