i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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