Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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