i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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