My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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