why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
