my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
