youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
