my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
