I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
