yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
