Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
