I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
