i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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