then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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