if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Girls should come with a carfax report
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
