Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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