Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
tequila makes me forget i have legs
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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