I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
