I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
