he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
