Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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