Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
