my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
