I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
