I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
