how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
