Midget sex pt 2 tonight
wakey wakey hands off snakey
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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