Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Welp...herpes.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
