Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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