when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
