I haven't been this sober since birth.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
