how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
