Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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