I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
