I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
