I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He? As in you personified your dick?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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