There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I need water and some morals
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
