You really coming over, don't trick.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
