What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
