there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
