After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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