Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
