Sponge bath it is.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Randomize
