dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
