im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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