I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
