Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm going to jail i love you
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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