..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
