Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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