Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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