I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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